Depression Makes it Hard

Before I started writing my 50,000 words in 30 days I had so many ideas. Now it’s like my mind is a blank.

I’ve been avoiding writing my novel and avoiding writing my blogs, because I have nothing to say. Not one idea about my health or what it’s like to live with chronic illnesses.

It’s like my mind has shut down. It’s called writer’s block. So, I am doing what writers all over the world do when they get this.

Type whatever pops into my mind. I know this would be better suited for my other blog at Rita L Smith, and I’ll probably write something on it.

I think my depression is deeper than I thought. With the sudden illness of my cat and stress from family relationships, it’s not surprising that I don’t seem to care about anything.

I have a doctors appointment on Thursday, so I’ll talk to her then about some help. I am still eating healthy and exercising, so that’s not the problem. It’s just my brain shutting down.

I was hoping to address my fingers being sore, and I will try, but the doctor doesn’t always address everything.

Then there is the matter of my blood test results and what it means that my ammonia levels are high. Ugh. Just what I needed… one more thing to worry about. I hope you are all well!

Love, Peace and Light! Rita

Milestone

I finally dipped below 170. I hope I stay there. In fact it’s time to set a new goal weight.

I continue to feel healthier during the week. For some reason, my husband thinks two meals is enough on the weekends. I need to get his mindset changed to 3 meals a day.

But yeah I met my first goal since beginning this program two months ago. I have lost over 10 lbs in that time.

This time last year my weight was still around 200 lbs, so I have been making slow progress. I just needed to make more changes than giving up wheat and cows milk.

My shirt is getting too big on me, but I still love it. The Adipose babies are walking off.

Love, Peace and Light! Rita

Writing

I am behind on my writing. It’s not surprising after saying goodbye to Blitz that my heart hasn’t been in it.

I have plenty of distractions since life doesn’t stop for NaNoWriMo. What? Shouldn’t everything come to a halt during the month of November?

Drama happens, games go on, tv shows continue, pets get sick, doctors appointments happen. Life happens. Still I am only a bit behind. Even after days of avoidance.

Once I hit 50,000 words this month it is my intention to shoot for 80,000 so another half a month and then I can start rewriting. I got this book filled with writing exercises to inspire me and keep me going.

Love, Peace and Light! Rita

My Weight Loss Journey

I am still hovering in the 170 range. Not dipping to my goal of 169.9 at all. I feel like I am at a standstill.

What is causing this?

  • I eat healthier
  • I portion control
  • I do yoga nearly everyday
  • I walk 4-5 days/week
  • I drink about a gallon of water a day

I do all this and still fall short of my goals. So, I need to examine a little more closely what I am doing.

I am pretty sure that because I have been on a low sodium diet for over 20 years, I crave it. It’s not totally out of my diet. I get it when I eat out. It’s naturally in foods and I love chips.

Lately, tortilla chips. I try to portion them out, I really do. I have gotten better at it, but I need to switch out this unhealthy snack for a healthier alternative like popcorn or celery sticks.

Celery tastes salty to me, so may settle that salt craving I get. I need to get over this hurdle. I will, it just will take some will power.

Where are you in your goals?

Love, Peace and Light! Rita

Thanks for stopping .

Got Through The Pain

The Topiramate seems to be working. I no longer have daily migraines or dizziness and the migraine aura is gone too.

It’s been just over a month since I began taking 50 mg per day. I experienced some of the side effects like tingling/numbness in my hands, but I am used to that sensation already. The brain fog worsened temporarily, but seems normal now. The two side effects I wanted; weight loss and sleep; didn’t happen. If anything I was hungrier.

But I’ve only had 3 migraines since beginning the medication and the daily dizziness is gone. That makes it all worth it. I might have lived with the pain, but the dizziness was too much on top of the Ménière’s.

I hope Topiramate continues to work for me. I am so happy that it is.

Love, Peace and Light! Rita

Welcome

Each Task Uses Energy

The best way to explain to someone without a chronic illness how a person with chronic illness functions is different for everyone.

But let’s say every task you take for granted requires energy.

  1. Getting out of bed
  2. Going to the bathroom
  3. Showering
  4. Brushing your teeth
  5. Brushing your hair
  6. Eating breakfast
  7. Eating lunch
  8. Eating dinner

Let’s say you only have 15 units of energy a day. You’ve already used 8. If you have to prepare those meals that’s three more. That only leaves 4 bits of energy to do other things. Work may use up the rest and then some causing a chronically ill person to crash when they get home.

You say it doesn’t work that way! But it does when you’re chronically ill. You might have more energy one day and less another or a task might use up more than normal. It all depends on how you feel on any given day.

Everyone is different and each situation is different. Don’t judge others because you see me traveling. I am bad at showing the bad days. I have been trying to get better.

Normal people don’t require energy to get their day started, but a chronically ill person sometimes needs a lot of energy just to get out of bed. Think about trying to move after a day at boot camp and drinking that night. Many people with fibromyalgia feel like that on a daily basis and there are other things that make people feel worse.

I hope I have explained this for you if I haven’t, look up The Spoon Theory. Perhaps another perspective would help.

Love, Peace and Light! Rita

Thanks for reading

Pain

Many people don’t realize this. Probably not even my husband, but even when my Ménière’s was in remission, I still had pain. The Fibromyalgia never entirely left.

Remission Time

The level varies from faint to I don’t want anything touching my skin. Lately, I am in the phase where I just my clothing on my skin hurts. Between that and the fatigue it’s been hard to get anything done. I know the abrupt weather change brought on this bought of fibromyalgia.

Not in remission

I actually prefer being in control of my flares. Like walking around Disneyland. However, being in better shape helped and I didn’t flare from that. It’s the little things. I, also, took breaks when needed and we made it an early day.

Muscle pain is one of the easiest types of pain to hide for me. So, people aren’t aware. I won’t have an vertigo attack due to fibromyalgia, so it’s not necessary to explain it to everyone like I do Ménière’s.

I guess what I am trying to say is just because someone doesn’t speak of something, it doesn’t mean they never had it.

Love, Peace and Light! Rita