My Crazy Life

Pumpkin Picking

Ralph wanted to go pumpkin picking today! It was cool enough for me to wear my new vegan moto jacket. Ralph wore shorts. We are complete opposites in some ways.

Yes, I have gained weight. That’s what happens when you don’t exercise for months, because you’re afraid you’ll hurt the pinched nerve more. Now I know that by not moving my left arm (osteoarthritis) I did it a big disservice. My keep moving those joints. I still don’t have full range back and I have constant pain.

Move it or lose it takes on a whole new meaning when you have arthritis.

It’s surprising to find an orchard in Las Vegas, but it’s a nice one.

We picked some Granny Smith Apples, zucchini and butternut squash in addition to our pumpkins.

Ralph got some pumpkin donuts… I bought some kettle popcorn… and we both got apple cider. Yummy!

I am happy that fall is here. We probably won’t see really cool temperatures until November. This morning it was in the 60’s, but in the 70’s by the time we left the orchard. It’ll be in the 90’s today.

By the way, I stayed by the wheelbarrow on the paved road most of the time after tipping over really badly a couple times of times. Once I almost wasn’t able to right myself. I should have brought my cane or hiking sticks, but I wasn’t feeling bad. Meniere’s is always with me, even if I should forget about it. Just as the arthritis, fibromyalgia, asthma, etc. They may not bother you for awhile or you may feel fine first thing and then boom!!! It hits out of nowhere.

I am still thankful that I haven’t had a full blown vertigo attack for a couple of years. Now they are much shorter and less debilitating. Of course my balance is shot now and I definitely tip more. I think today was the first time I thought I was going down from tipping.

Love, Peace and Light! Rita

Tired

I am tired of everything. Tired of this virus. It’s hard to believe that we’ve had our lives shattered since March. There is no light at the end of the tunnel.

Tired of politics. I can’t wait until this election is over. Again I don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. Whatever way it goes people aren’t going to be happy. At risk of putting my views up here if the current president loses his followers will revolt.

Tired of staying home most of the time. I need to get out. Meet with friends for drinks, laugh and not worry if I am putting myself at risk because I am doing so. When I do go out I choose places that aren’t busy. We stay within our bubble.

As an asthmatic I am tired of explaining my cough when I am out amongst people shopping. I shouldn’t have to, yet people give you wide berth. Perhaps that’s not a bad thing.

I still have no energy. Yet I continue to do my ten minute exercises at least three times a day. I must keep moving. I cannot give in to this depression.

I try to surround myself with happy colors. I bought a yellow vegan leather moto jacket. It’s still 100 degrees here so I cannot wear it yet. I love it and can’t wait to brighten my winter days with it.

I am tired. How are you?

Love, Peace and Light! Rita

Yo-yo

I feel like a yo-yo. My emotions, my weight…

I think about the only thing that is steady is my family and friends. They don’t waiver. Mostly. Not the people who really count anyway.

Though in this political climate my late husband’s cousin blocked my for agreeing that I see people being brainwashed on Facebook everyday. I guess she wanted me to say I was the brainwashed one. LOL!

So depression has my emotions all over the place… My weight is going back up. I am hungry all the time, who turned that back on?

Is it part of the depression? Maybe? Probably… Okay… I guess it is. I am upping my exercise. Hopefully, that will kick in the endorphins or serotonin to stop the depression and help get my weight back down too.

The thing is the fatigue is strong right now and I don’t have the energy to do anything. So I am trying to jumpstart it by exercising in ten minute bursts. I am using my balance board which is also good for the Meniere’s too. Some days though I have trouble staying on. It’s quite amusing if you were watching. I am also adding weights to try to tone my arms and to keep my left arm from getting worse again.

I try to stand every hour as per my iWatch. Now I try to move when I do this. I figure every little bit of movement helps. It’s so easy to give in to the fatigue and veg out in front of the tv to binge watch the latest show. Currently we are watching Wolf Blood. Check it out. It’s quite good as many British shows are.

Ralph hasn’t worked since March and I am afraid he’s seeing all my lovely moods. So far he’s sticking with me and hasn’t run for the hills. It’s going to be awhile before Vegas bounces back. Hopefully Ralph will find something in his field soon.

How are you doing? Are you still in lockdown? Are you still working?

Love, Peace and Light! Rita

Fear

Today I saw a meme that said, “Success is about fear… and doing it anyway!”

Having anxiety, I can relate to this. Almost everything I do is about overcoming fear. Albeit irrational fear created in my own mind at times. If I gave into it I would never leave my house. I would never have left my parents house and that would have been hell.

At 56 years old I have had plenty of practice ignoring the overwhelming fear that wants to paralyze me. How?

Ignore it
Replace negative thoughts
Stay active (leaves less time for self doubt to creep in.)
Realize that not everyone has to like me- my thoughts say that no one likes me, but reality shows me that I have people who do.
Try to treat others with respect
Unless I am physically ill/incapable I go out anyway. Once there I have fun.

These are a few things that I have incorporated over the years that have helped me cope. Even at my age I am still learning. I still have behaviors that I am working on. For instance I laugh at inappropriate times. I am the only person who can work on me and that is what I am doing.

I have had many successes in my life. I am grateful that I managed to overcome my anxiety, depression and health issues to find happiness. That is my greatest accomplishment. Being happy requires letting go of the fear, anxiety, anger and choosing to be happy. I can’t claim to be happy all the time, but for the most part I am. I know even in the midst of depression that it is waiting for me to claw my way out of the fog.

To me that is courage. You might find courage elsewhere. I hope you do.

Love, Peace and Light! Rita

Wrapping Up Balance Awareness

There are many types of vestibular disorders. Some people are unlucky and have more than one kind going on. If you have balance issues, dizziness or vertigo see your doctor. This isn’t something you can self-diagnose. VEDA has a list of types of vestibular disorders.

It can be helpful to know a bit about them. I was able to help a friend get a correct diagnosis after she suffered for years with vestibular migraines. Many doctors forget that migraines can cause vertigo too. The correct diagnosis in some cases can help lead to being able to lead a near normal life.

I am putting old photos of me with flamingos 🦩 up which are the symbol for balance. Fortunately Las Vegas has plenty around.

Even our hockey team embraced the flamingo as a victory symbol when the team won. 🦩🦩🦩

So as we end Balance Awareness Week… I hope you stay spin free! Love, Peace and Light! Rita

For Balance Awareness…

Having a balance disorder like Meniere’s isn’t the end of the world. I know sometimes it has felt like it, but it is possible to still have an enjoyable life.

You may have to re-access things you can accomplish. Or set limits. Sometimes you push those limits like this young man who is biking across the country. Steve has Meniere’s and he began his journey in Colorado.

Yesterday or the day before he had a vertigo attack. Fortunately, he felt it coming on and was able to get to somewhere safe, so his friend who is shadowing him could look after him. Vertigo sucks and it wipes you out even once the attack is over. My balance is worse than normal after an attack as is the disequilibrium. He posted this the day after.

So he kept going. It is possible. It’s not easy and I commend him for his tenacity. Heck if I were to attempt this bike ride, I’d get one day in and be down for two and that’s without Meniere’s. I have other stuff that would put me down. Meniere’s in the mix could put me out for the week if I had an attack like he did.

Love, Peace and Light! Rita

It’s Balance Awareness Week

I have been slacking. I haven’t had any energy. The depression has taken hold pretty good. My balance is wonkier than its been for awhile.

Sorry I didn’t take any knew photos recently. I am not sure if I’d be able to stand on one leg.

My Meniere’s is acting up. I think the reason is that my breathing has been worse. The air quality has been bad on and off depending on the direction of the wind because of the fires in California.

Love, Peace and Light! Rita

Remember

Today I remember 9/11/2001 in the midst of the worst pandemic of my lifetime. Just as I will remember 2020 in the years to come. And as I remember 1 October. These dates all have significance to me as they have been burned into my brain. Two of the events brought fear into my life. The first to my country and the second to my town.

Today I remember the people who died, and the heroes and all the survivors of 9-11. I sat at my home in Ohio with my late husband watching one of the morning shows when they broke away to show footage of the first plane hitting the tower. We were watching live coverage when the second plane hit the second tower. Then we watched it again and again. I don’t know how many times they replayed that footage, but I can still see it clearly in my mind.

I remember how quiet the skies were afterwards. All flights were grounded, since no one knew if there were more terrorist. It was a surreal feeling. The terrorist did their job they terrorized an entire country. Last year I wrote a poem, you can find it here.

One day I hope that we all can live together in this world as one human race. With no hate. With no hunger or illness. That is my dream.

Love, Peace and Light! Rita

A Walk in the Park

Yesterday the cooler weather allowed us a chance to go to the park. As you can see Chewy was excited.

The winds from the day before blew the smoke away and the dust settled giving us a lovely blue sky day!

Flowers were still in bloom here and there. I was surprised that there weren’t many people out, but maybe that’s because parents were home with their kids virtual schooling.

It was nice to get out for our walk again. Maybe I’ll stir the hubby for another. Must get them in before the temps go back into the 100’s.

Love, Peace and Light! Rita

No Motivation

Since I don’t have PT, I have no motivation to get up and start moving in the mornings. I am always tired (yet my sleep is poor) and the fatigue is high.

I think that depression is slipping in. It’s being subtle. Or maybe not so subtle if I examine the clues. I am irritable. I am unable to concentrate on one thing for longer than 15 minutes. I really don’t want to leave the house, though Ralph keeps scheduling things.

I want to relish the cooler temperatures, but the air quality has made it difficult. I can’t breathe.

The most frustrating thing is the inability to think straight. My thoughts don’t always come easily when I am trying to say something or even when I am just thinking to myself. And things are getting messed up in my mind.

Anxiety is worse. The other night I woke up in a panic because my mask wasn’t on. I couldn’t find it anywhere. It took me several minutes to realize I don’t wear one to bed and I still felt like I was missing something important. It was so weird.

I don’t feel like myself. Since I am used to living with depression and anxiety that is saying something. I may have to ask my doctor for an antidepressant in addition to the anti anxiety medication I am on.

Sometimes I need a bit of help to get through these things. It doesn’t help that the world has changed so my normal has changed. I really may just need a vacation, which I cannot go on with my anxiety being so out of control while this pandemic is still happening.

Love, Peace and Light! Rita